so finals are over guys! yaay! i hope you guys did well and i'm sure you all did your best. =] all that late night cramming paid off eh?

my week consisted of over-studying for one final, not doing so well on another final because i over-studied for that one other final. napping on the couch in the hope of waking up in an hour and a half to continue my studying only to find myself getting up 3 hours later and not studying so much. coming home crashing for about 2-3 hours to continue studying what i didn't know what to study. but now it's friday, and i've had my well-deserved-full-night-of-sleep.
ON MY OWN BED! yes.  

[thinking] ...  

it's weird to think that i'm almost done with the first half of my high-school career. (hah, high-school career. weird term.) weird to think that just last year i was coming into this new environment. a little naive girl afraid of what high-school was going to throw at me, what it had in store. afraid of stepping outside of my comfort zone. afraid of things i didn't even know existed. afraid of the world. heh. real silly right? but maybe you guys felt the same way coming into high-school. not knowing what to expect. not knowing what to say or do. being insecure and nervous. but who knew all of those would practically disappear once that first memorable experience happened? maybe it was meeting a new friend. or making it on a team. or even that first time you took a test and passed. sure, we probably still have insecurities, i know i do, a lot. and yes, maybe we're still scared of meeting new people, i still don't know how to act around people i do know. but at the end of it all, it becomes a part of who you are and who you'll become.  

i dunno, maybe i sound too cliché for my own good. maybe i don't even know what i'm talking about.  

it's just so unreal that everything that's happened has happened. that this much time has flown by. i remember in 6th grade wondering where i was going to go for junior high. then in 8th grade talking about what high-school i was planning to test for. now i'm thinking about what college i want to go to. and down the road (more likely sooner than later) i'll be choosing what i'm going to do for the rest of my life. some of you may think, "you have so much time!" and i guess i do. but there's a part of me that's stopped believing that. how can i have so much time left when so much time has gone by?  [sigh] like i said, maybe i don't even know what i'm talking about.  

i feel like i'm the only one feeling that i don't want high-school to end (and i probably won't be feeling that later on). but having this feeling of life becoming more and more real, it's strange. that the world is actually bigger than i thought it was. i'm doubting everything i believed in and thought was right. that dumb feeling of "not knowing who i am" is hitting me pretty hard right now. and it's scary, i don't know how to deal with it. should i have expected all of this? should this not come as a surprise? heh, i guess i'm still that same little naive girl. i don't know how dumb this is going to sound, but: i liked not thinking about my future. i liked how i didn't have to worry about all of this "grown-up" stuff. how everything came into place, no questions asked. that everything seemed so simple. now it's all so complicated, or i'm making it more complicated than it has to be or really is. 

who knows? maybe in a couple of months, or a couple of years i'm going to look back on this entry and it'll just be one of those "i wrote that?!" "ew, i feel stupid." but for now, it's what i feel, what i think, what i've held on for so long. so [high five] guys! you've just read a part of me. 

well i guess that ends my "thought of the day" entry.

w/heart ...